Thursday, May 20, 2010

Top 5 reasons why I'll never co-habitate again

6 months ago I moved into my own flat, here are some reasons why I'll never again share house.

1) Nudity. Oft sited as the number 1 best thing about living by oneself. Get home on a hot summers day to an empty house and I dare you not to strip down to your birthday suit and lounge your sweaty arse crack about on pieces of furniture.

2) Freedom of airborne toxic events. My ex hated it every time I farted. Now days I see if I can fart whilst walking from one side of my flat to the other as if my movement is being powered by ATE fuel.

3) Bizarre personal hygiene habits. Wash your undies in the kitchen sink? Trim your pubes over your rubbish bin? Watch those freshly cut toenails fly across the room? Be my guest.

4) Poor nutritional habits.  Never again will I be judged for my three course toasted sandwhich feast, mixing up cake batter just to eat it raw or making melted lindt chocolate sandwhiches.

5) Beyonce is my girl and I'll listen to her on repeat if I want to.

Do you have any disgusting solo-living habits that would make Buffalo Bill blush?


  1. I love you Em. These are my top 5 reasons too, tho swap Beyonce for Lady GaGa.

  2. I admit, I *do* cohabit but we are so comfortable in each others company that it borders on the disturbing - so, yes all of the above fly for me.

    Runners up include:
    - Not having come home to unexpected crowds
    - Sex-as-loud-as-you-like
    - Dinner parties without guests you didn't want to invite in the first place
    - No one eats my special biscuits/cheese/milk/bread and not replacing it
    - Peeing with the door open when you're in a hurry
    - My stuff. Not other people's ugly stuff. MY STUFF.

  3. That should read "and doesn't replace it".

    Fuck you grammar.

  4. I'm very curious as to what melted Lindt chocolate sandwiches invlove, exactly.

  5. Miss Milk - it's quite simple, really. Spend your hard earned cash on some Lindt chocolate - any flavour will do. As long as it's more expensive that actual chocolate spread. The point is to be stupidly indulgent and wasteful to the point of embarassment. Melt it in a double boiler. Spread it on some bread. Consume. Preferably in the nude.