Thursday, May 27, 2010

Deal with it!

I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I think I've come up with a few totally awesome and contructive ways of dealing with it.

Lie back on the couch and take advice from an expert

1) Try to be friends way too soon. That way, you'll realise pretty quickly that not only does the whole "friends with exes" thing rarely work, you'll also remember why you broke up with this person in the first place. OR at the very least, after 1 or 2 mental breakdowns you'll decide that contact is not an option and move onto step 2

2) Pretend they're dead. You know that expression "you're dead to me"? Live it. Find a grave with your exes name on it, write him an obituary for the local council paper and inform his parents.

3) Drink. Or if drinking isn't your thing trying eating your emotions.  Or both at once. All of this is particularly good for your self esteem and snagging yourself your next Mr. Right.

4) Compare yourself to everyone. Particularly any other person you see your ex with.  Try to improve yourself based purely on the notion that if you change, somehow you will either a) be taken back b) make your ex so jealous they throw themself off the nearest tall thing.  This gets exhausting pretty soon - hopefully it'll lead to a "fuck it" moment, and you'll realise how much time you've wasted wishing you were someone else.

5) Repeat this mantra. "It doesn't matter". It doesn't matter what your ex is doing, who they're fucking, what they're eating and whether they're getting enough fibre. Remember rule 2.

Enjoy your single life, in particular those early morning farts and eating bread right outta the bag.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Top 5 reasons why I'll never co-habitate again

6 months ago I moved into my own flat, here are some reasons why I'll never again share house.

1) Nudity. Oft sited as the number 1 best thing about living by oneself. Get home on a hot summers day to an empty house and I dare you not to strip down to your birthday suit and lounge your sweaty arse crack about on pieces of furniture.

2) Freedom of airborne toxic events. My ex hated it every time I farted. Now days I see if I can fart whilst walking from one side of my flat to the other as if my movement is being powered by ATE fuel.

3) Bizarre personal hygiene habits. Wash your undies in the kitchen sink? Trim your pubes over your rubbish bin? Watch those freshly cut toenails fly across the room? Be my guest.

4) Poor nutritional habits.  Never again will I be judged for my three course toasted sandwhich feast, mixing up cake batter just to eat it raw or making melted lindt chocolate sandwhiches.

5) Beyonce is my girl and I'll listen to her on repeat if I want to.

Do you have any disgusting solo-living habits that would make Buffalo Bill blush?

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Photo a Day: 16th May 2010

I spent the weekend at my parents in Hobart. This is my Mum's cat, Sally. We've had her since I was about 11 or 12 so that makes her at least 14 years old but she looks like a kitten here! She's was the runt of the litter, a tortoiseshell taken away from her mother too young. She never really got accustomed to people and is very skittish. She rarely comes into the house if there are strangers around but she does love cuddling up with my Mum and Dad.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Photo a Day - 12th May 2010

I had planned to take a photo at my gig tonight, to prove how totally exciting my life is. Instead here's me in my pyjamas with a cheese toastie at 1am.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


I'm trying to get my twitter, tumblr and blogger all in sync with each other. Let's see if this works...

Photo a Day - 11th May 2010

Two days in a row. This is a record for most projects I attempt. Sam and I enjoy some decent wine, chitter chatter and bangers and mash.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Photo a Day - 10th May 2010

When I'm sad I like to sleep in my loungeroom so I'm surrounded by light a noise.
10th May 2010
Originally uploaded by sharpemmalee

Friday, May 7, 2010

You and me..

..and a glass of gin.

What I wouldn't give to be with you right now.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Myth busting

There's a popular theory with a certain friend of mine that age 26 will be the worst year of your life.
So far. So true.

To celebrate, here's a German old skool rock 'n' roll band covering Beyonce.

This weekend I'll change my luck.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Have you seen this shit?

Fucking unbelievable.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Ducks fly together

Since the beginning of this year I have been playing Futsal with a local league. Even though our team often have to play late on a Sunday when I'd rather be in my PJs watching Doctor Who, and even though we almost always lose, it's the highlight of my week. 

This week, we won our first game of the season. 5-4. Coming back from 2 down after half time to win the game.

Good vibes.

How is it...

...that this poor excuse for a human being

is responsible for these beautiful creatures

How frightfully unfair.

Saturday, May 1, 2010


That's what happens when you have too many blogs! Excuse the weird, unrelated to this blog post that I now deleted :)